Those Krazy Krauts!

You know when you buy seven or eight ounces of weed, and then you get home and realize that the quality just isn't up to par? I've always wondered what a guy's options are in that sort of situation (and no, this is not another NFL post... I'm not talking about Ricky Williams or Nate Newton). I mean, of course the first thing to do is go back and talk to your dealer. But I've found - and perhaps this is just my personal experience, or lack thereof - that the drug trade is pretty much a caveat emptor situation. Still, there must be some recourse for a disgruntled pot purchaser.

Well, my new buddy from Darmstadt, Germany can tell you what not to do: ask the cops for help. Apparently when you throw a few zips on the table and tell the po' it's "un-usable," they don't brace the dealer for your five hundo in cash.

There's your laugh of the day. I promise to check in again soon.

Newsworthy

There are two news items I want to address today:

1) VP Cheney takes population control into his own hands... Yes, it's always fun when a government official accidentally shoots somebody, especially when that somebody is an even older, more decrepit-looking man than Dick Cheney. I saw some really great late-night bits regarding the shooting, including Jimmy Kimmel blaming Cheney's inaccuracy for Michelle Kwan's injury and Jon Stewart noting that Dick is the first VP to shoot someone since Aaron Burr, but my favorite lines belonged to big shots Jay Leno ("When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney on the stretcher") and David Letterman ("The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor, and fortunately the buckshot was deflected by wads of laundered cash, so he's fine").

2) Bode Miller sucks at life... And I want to know why the hell we're talking about it. Tell me if you're interested in this story: professional skier (exactly, nobody cares) gets a huge head and talks all kinds of nonsense leading up to the Winter Olympics... "I ski drunk and I'm still the bomb"... "Barry Bonds is a cheater" ... "Blah blablah blah blah I'm a jackass"... Seriously, BRAH, shut up. Even more obnoxious than Bode Miller is NBC's decision to make him the major attraction of the Olympics - US Skiing's Golden Boy. Not only is he distinctly less-than-golden, but forcing me to hear "Bode Miller goes for the gold, TONIGHT!" over and over again after everyone with an internet connection knows he disqualified himself is just bad advertising.

Too much is being made of these Olympics in general. Go ahead and tell me I'm un-American, or that it's a beautiful tradition that brings the world together, but I don't think YOU really give a flying sex act about these "sports" either. I can't be the only one not impressed by people's ability to slide down an icy track in a giant, phenomenally aerodynamic phallus. Plus, the judging is tremendously suspect in far too many of the Winter events, and people are constantly accusing each other of various conspiracies. You like the Winter Olympics? Keep it.

Regarding the Super Bowl...

1) If you're a Seahawks fan (or their head coach) and you're bitching about the referees from Sunday's game... SHUT THE HELL UP. For your benefit I've included a list of things you are well within your rights to complain about:
  • Jerramy Stevens' repeated dropped passes after pre-game shit talking
  • Mike Holmgren's blatant mismanagement of the clock at the end of both halves
  • Grant Wistrom's sellout dive on the Roethlisberger scramble/pass, because had he stayed on his feet he would have either forced Big Ben to run or absolutely creamed him.
  • Matt Hasselbeck's terrible interception
  • Holmgren's refusal to commit to Shaun Alexander
  • Whatever happened to allow Deshea Townsend to come unblocked and hammer Hasselbeck on a 3rd and 8 in the fourth quarter

Outside of these things, I don't want to hear it. The only call that was actually bad was the holding call on the Stevens reception, and I blame that on everyone being so surprised he held onto it that they didn't know what to do.

2) The better team won. That's right: better coach, better gameplan, better defense, better receivers. Call the QBs a draw and the RBs an obvious advantage to Seattle, but there's no question in my mind that Pitt deserved the win in every way.

3) If you think this was a crappy Super Bowl, perhaps you'd be interested in Arena League football, where the scores are always in the thirties and forties and above, and the referee's don't have to make as many tough calls.

4) Antawn Randle-El is going to make a great Chicago Bear.

5) Great Seas makes arguably the best wings in the Chicagoland area.

That's all I've got.

Unbait your breath, K-Bors...

... it's the inaugural Pre-Super Bowl post. Having just hung up the ol' IM after a terribly unpleasant exchange with my former friend and roommate, I am filled with nervous energy and righteous fury - prepared to tell you how it's gonna be on Sunday. We've all had our full week-and-two-thirds to absorb all the hype, take all the various issues into consideration, and arrive at a reasonable conclusion. So, without further introduction, I present my final prediction for NFL '05-'06...

Super Bowl XL - Steelers vs. Seahawks: The paths these teams have taken to glory are different, but they remain strikingly similar. The Steelers, after all but writing themselves out of the playoffs with a midseason three-game losing streak, won their last four to sneak in as the second AFC Wild Card team. They then whomped a Cincinatti team that lost its QB early, shocked the HEAVILY favored (to the tune of "unbeatable") Indianapolis Colts despite late-game miscues and easily handled an apparently overrated Denver squad. They have ridden their multi-faceted, platoon running attack and an attacking, hard-hitting defense to the big game, but QB Roethlisberger has been better than anyone expected and ultimately made the difference by getting Pitt out to early leads throughout their now seven-game winning streak.

The Seahawks stumbled out of the gate, losing two of their first four games. They didn't lose again until backup QB Seneca Wallace started a completely meaningless Game 16 (an ugly loss to the Packers that featured very few Seattle starters). Still, nobody paid too much attention to them. A lot of people said that they weren't ready for a rolling Redskins team after the day off versus Green Bay and a bye week. Turns out they were ready; so ready that they lost the NFL MVP in the first half and still doubled their opponents' score. They then trampled a Carolina team that was hyped as a giant killer after embarassing my Bears' defense. Apparently Steve Smith can be stopped after all (though I am fairly certain somebody got to Delhomme before the game and paid him off not to even look for his star receiver). The Seahawks' staple, for most of the year, was NFL MVP Shaun Alexander. He broke a touchdown record and rushed for completely ridiculous yardage (he's now over 2,000 yards rushing if you include the playoffs). Yet Seattle has successfully diversified - a very underrated smashmouth defense features rookie star Lofa Tatupu, and Pro Bowl QB Matt Hasselbeck has stayed cool under pressure and been very good so far in the playoffs (QB Ratings of 100.6 and 118.0 against Washington and Carolina). Stopping Seattle is not as easy as stopping Shaun.

In the end, we should see a great battle. Great runners, greatly improving passers, and angry defenses make for spectacular football matchups. I'm torn: on one hand the Steelers have looked unbeatable to me, playing against most of the best teams in football; on the other hand, the Seattle games were hardly worth watching because they so badly beat teams that were considered very good. On one hand I see the Steelers' defense doing serious damage to Seattle, on the other hand the Seahawks' D
put a serious hurting on Steve Smith and the Panthers. Matt Hasselbeck had a Pro Bowl season and has stormed through the playoffs, but Ben Roethlisberger has completed over 68% of his postseason passes. Shaun Alexander is a beast, but Willie Parker and Jerome Bettis are a two-headed monster. Mike Holmgren won one Super Bowl and lost another, Bill Cowher was the youngest coach to lead his team to a SB when he lost to the Cowboys ten years ago.

I guess I'm saying it could go either way. If nothing else we will finally know the answer to the question (posed a number of times this season) of whether the last seed in the AFC can defeat the first seed in the NFC. The answer is..... YES! Score it Pittsburgh 27 - Seattle 24.