Mr. Kolsky's Neighborhood

Matt Kolsky's Audio Samples

2009-08-02T18:31:00.006-05:00

Below are a bunch of samples from my BRAND SPANKIN' NEW audio resumé tape... Because of Blogger's strange lack of formatting options, I had to make them all into video files, but not to worry - they work just fine and should be easy to listen to. Click on the title to just listen on the web... Please enjoy...

1. This byte addresses some of the recent criticisms of King James and why I think they are a little overplayed.

2. A little rant about Michael Vick and his supposed "right" to play in the NFL again.

3. Talking about the new Oregon law dealing with racial discrimination in college athletics.

4. Addressing Hank Aaron's thought on steroids and asterisks.

5. Finally, a little compilation of some shorter rants and highlights.

Thanks for listening, everyone. I would very much appreciate any feedback you all can give, since I only plan to include some of these in my final resumé. If you don't already know my email, you can give me feedback in the comments section...

Additional Kolsky Audio

2008-08-06T16:43:00.002-05:00

Serious Sports News Report 1

Serious Sports News Report 2

Budged Rent-a-Car Spot for Sports Byline

A Heart-Warming Holiday Story

2006-12-07T10:56:00.000-06:00

Having spent the month of November gathering nuts and insulating my tree trunk against the coming cold, I feel like I owe you a lot, my dear reader. I fully expect to be capable of delivering on that debt, particularly since I'll now be boarded up inside this tree trunk - which, thank God, has wireless internet - for the better part of the next four months. Living in California for six years really warmed my blood and I'm no longer equipped to handle the horror of a full-blown Chicago-style winter.

My soul (though sadly not my physical being) was warmed considerably by the story I first heard in a radio interview about a week ago. It is a story told by Michael Lewis (acclaimed author of the infamous Billy Beane baseball book Moneyball and the semi-autobiographical Liar's Poker) in his new book, The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game. It is the story of Michael Oher, the sophomore starting left tackle for the Ole Miss Rebels and a member of the All-SEC second team. If you don't read the rest of this post, and you generally don't follow college football, you'll probably next hear about Oher when he's a top-ten NFL draft pick in a couple years.

These distinctions are impressive for anyone, but completely remarkable for a kid that never walked on a football field and would hardly have recognized the inside of a classroom as recently as four years ago. Ask Michael (Lewis or Oher) and he'll tell you that at 15 years old (and about 6'5", 330 pounds), living on the floor of an apartment in the projects, he was one bad break from dead or in jail; and about as far from a professional football career as someone of that size can be.

I won't go into the whole story here, because you can read a NY Times Magazine article that gives an in-depth summary, but the short version goes like this... Michael is walked up to the doorstep of a small, highly Christian high school by the man ("Big Tony") whose floor he sleeps on. Despite virtually no academic record, absolutely zero knowledge base (and I really mean zero: Michael didn't know what an ocean was) and really very little interest in going to school, he attracts the attention of the football coach and the sympathy of a few important teachers and administration members and is admitted to Briarcrest Christian Academy.

By about one year later, Michael was adopted by a very wealthy (and equally white and Republican) family of four, getting A's and B's in school despite his initial deficiencies, and popping up on the pre-season High School Football All-American First-Team as a left tackle.

Those of you who know me know that I am none too big a fan of Republicans and terrified by devout Christians (or devout members of most any faith, for that matter), but this is an undeniable example of a situation where a family's strict obedience to "Christian morals" or what-have-you led to incredible positive consequences.

In any event, Michael Lewis' book chronicles two stories: the development of college and NFL football led to placing increased value on the left tackle position, while simultaneously the kindness of a Christian family led to the remarkable development of a future left tackle. The convergence of these two stories finds a young man who might easily have died or gone to jail on the fast track to a multi-million dollar NFL career.

It's a truly remarkable story, and I highly recommend you read the summary, if not the book itself.Here's the link to the NY Times Magazine article, in case you missed it the first time.

A little self-pub never killed anybody....

2006-10-28T11:33:00.000-05:00

Just in case you're reading this and you don't know me on a deeply personal level, I thought I'd give you a quick update on my real life. You know, as opposed to my eLife...

Basically I'm trying to be a jerk who gets paid to talk about sports on the radio. I mean, I'm not particularly trying to be a jerk - that comes natural - it's just that I'm attempting to make money of my jerkiness and corresponding sports expertise.

In rearing my fledgling radio career, I have been doing my best to record my voice and broadcast it (in various ways) whenever and wherever I can. As such, I have recently recorded some NBA chatter with my good friend Nick Saper (collectively the Basketball Babblers) and posted it for your listening pleasure on podOmatic and in a media player that I've added to my Bulls Blog, which you may be familiar with (there's been a link to it over there on the right for a while).

In any event, though the first three episodes are fairly straightforward previews of the NBA season to come, Nick and I are developing our audio chemistry and hope to improve and get funnier and more entertaining as time goes on. Ultimately our hope is to be enjoyable for the non-sports fan as much as for the sports fan. Chances are we'll strike out but we DO intend to try, dammit!

So go check it out. We're in negotiations for a potential live radio show, and if you're in Chicagoland (Chicago - WSBC 1240; Chicago Heights - WCFJ 1470) you can hear me, Kolsky (Kid K, the Ass. to the Ass. Producer) on The Morning Break, every Monday and Friday from 10 to Noon.

Hopefully you won't stop reading this blog in the future because of this self-serving post. Good times.

THIS IS NOT A POST

2006-10-19T13:20:00.000-05:00

Every now and then, I come across a piece of news that I feel compelled to comment on, or interpret in various ways, subsequently linking you back to the original piece for your own edification. Today I was shown something that I can't help but share with you, loyal reader, and yet I don't believe there is anything I can say about it without being either trite and unfunny or simply offensive. As such, I've chosen simply to link you to this fabulous article - which seems to be real - and let you draw your own conclusions. Enjoy...

Kolsky's British Delicacy of the Day

Passing of The Buck

2006-10-16T13:42:00.000-05:00

In March, I posted briefly (very, very briefly) on the passing of Kirby Puckett, and I included a photograph of his Hall of Fame plaque. I would very, very much like to include a similar photo in this post, but alas I cannot; when the Hall of Fame convened a special committee to induct Negro Leaguers, Buck O'Neil fell one vote short. Of course, that didn't stop him from speaking at the ceremony, serving as the voice of the 17 players who were selected (none of whom lived to see it).

For Buck, it was never a sore subject. How upset could he be about this? This is a man who was born just a handful of years too early to play Major League Baseball. He played a part in the popularization and success of the Negro Leagues (winning five pennants and two Negro League World Series titles as a player and manager for the Kansas City Monarchs from 1938-55) but by the time the MLB color barrier was broken, his career was ending.

More so than his playing days, the feats that followed should have earned him Hall of Fame status - he became a big-league scout for African-American talent with the Cubs, and was responsible for the signing of both Ernie Banks and Lou Brock; he broke the color barrier for big-league coaches when he signed with the Cubs in 1962; and perhpas most importantly, he served to remind fans everywhere of baseballs past, particularly with respect to the Negro Leagues, and to help promote baseball in every possible way.

Through all of this, he remained a positive, outgoing person, never feeling bitter about what might have been. Perhaps nothing speaks more to Buck's positivity than the title of his 1996 autobiography: I Was Right On Time. He took his life in stride and enjoyed it for what it was - he made every second of his 94 years on earth count, and he never seemed regretful of anything.

For me, the image of Buck that may last longest is of an old man, mere months before his death, smiling ear-to-ear as he took two walks and hustled - for a 94-year-old, anyway - to first base during a minor league all-star game. Yes, it was something of a gimmick, but to see how happy it made this great man just to be a part of the game of baseball - any game of baseball, really - made even a cynic feel the special aura of the american pastime.

I don't think Buck would have asked for anything more. John Jordan O'Neil, rest in peace.

a couple links to cool Buck stuff: audio about the Negro Leagues, video of his last at-bat

Out-Foxed by Clinton

2006-09-26T09:21:00.000-05:00

I had planned a flowering narrative about my recent California road trip as my triumphant return to non-sports blogging. [Ed. Note: for Kolsky's sports blogging, try the newly created Thinking Man's Sports Reference or the soon-to-return Chicago Bulls and NBA blog which will hopefully feature some audio material this season...] Sadly my editorial tendencies contributed to a month or so muddled in the creation and revision process, and I'm afraid my short work of recent-historical fiction lost steam.

Steam, now, is the least of my concerns. And I'm bold enough to suggest that, sometimes, what it takes to rouse an erstwhile blogger from a prose-less stupor is nothing more than a former president taking a "news man" to task for his classless and clearly partisan interviewing tactics.

Many of you know of what I speak. If that's the case, go ahead and skip this paragraph. For the rest, the greatest Mr. President of my lifetime was recently invited onto Fox News under the pretext of an interview regarding the Clinton Global Initiative (which was sadly lost in the shuffle) and subsequently ambushed with rudely and smugly constructed questions about his "inability" to fight terrorism - and particularly Bin Laden - while he was in office. Mr. Clinton vigorously attempted to set the record straight on that subject and a couple others (most notably the fact that Fox News is little more than a fount of conservative propaganda.

Perhaps you've already perceived my righteous fury. Maybe that's a bit strong - but I wholeheartedly back Big Bill on this, specifically with regards to Fox's blindly partisan "news" coverage. Certainly I realize that part - if not the majority - of Clinton's motivation here is to defend himself against these accusations, but he does a very good job of focusing on the irresponsibility of the line of questioning and on what he did do to combat terrorism, most of which was undone or put on hold by the current administration.

For the court's consideration:

Clinton was criticized left and right by conservatives for harping on terror on his way out of office. As he points out, he didn't have a heck of a lot of time to go after Bin Laden (given that they didn't really know anything about him until a year or so into his second term) but he did attempt to catch him and leave a work in progress for Bush Jr. Sadly, the recommendation of an adulterous democrat - never mind his Rhodes scholarship or 8 years of distinguished public service as President - was just enough to get the "terror czar" demoted and the search for Bin Laden tabled.
Fox News, who booked the Clinton interview under false pretenses (say what you will about Chris Wallace's ultimate intentions to ask about the CGI, it's clear to me that his primary motive was an assault on the subject of terror), has been at the front of every piece of positive press for the current Republican Regime, while lagging behind - and often promoting misinformation, or at least misleading information - when the news brings that group's failures to light. This goes for Afghanistan, the War in Iraq, and domestic issues alike.
Political specifics aside, the smug expression on Wallace's face as he asked directed questions about Clinton's admitted failure to successfully fight terror quite obviously illuminated his ulterior motives. The most upsetting thing to me, as a writer and sometime journalist, is his utter lack of regard for journalistic integrity. Even if he had asked conservatives these sort of questions, it was clear he thought to be "sticking it" to Clinton on the terror issue and loving every minute of it. It is possible to ask these sorts of questions with integrity and respect for the craft of journalism, which is supposed to be inherently balanced and bipartisan. What Wallace did was not journalism, it was an attempt at live spin.
I won't waste too much time on this, but just to give you an idea, here is a transcription of the kind of question Wallace asks of conservatives (Condoleeza Rice in this case, a few days after her testimony at the 9/11 Commission): "When commission member Jaime Gorelick was questioning you about that, did you know that when she was the deputy attorney general in the Clinton administration, that she had issued an order that, in fact, helped build the so-called wall even higher?" Forgetting the fact that this isn't even really a question at all, it contains assertions that are blatantly untrue and actually has nothing whatsoever to do with Condoleeza's job or even really the "War on Terror." It's just a lie with a question mark at the end. Among the questions not asked to Ms. Rice during this interview (which, to reiterate, came on April 18, 2004, right after she spoke to the 9/11 Commission):
- Why was terror "czar" Richard Clarke demoted when President Clinton essentially told you he was the most important and informed person on terrorism?
- What happened with the USS Cole, which was bombed in late 2000, and why was little done in response?
- Did you just ignore that August '01 report entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike U.S." or were you planning on getting to it somewhere around mid-September?
Isn't it curious that - despite near-regular interviews with national security officials inside the White House - no questions about the USS Cole or Richard Clarke's demotion have ever been put to a Bush II administrator by Chris Wallace?

This is what irks me. Newspeople are supposed to have opinions. Occasionally, in the right scenario, they are even encouraged to express these opinions. There is no defense whatsoever for masking one's opinions as facts, nor for including assumptions, assertions or even inferences in the context of questions so as to presume there is truth within them.

Thank you, Mr. Clinton, for having the stones (and the composure, since he remained remarkably even-keeled throughout his reprimand of Wallace) to come out and say what every clear-thinking liberal has known for nearly a decade: Fox News is nothing more than a room full of conservative shills, pushing a Republican agenda and blatantly ignoring the news that discredits - or even questions - their parti pris.

Oh, and it's nice to be back. That was cathartic... I feel energized. I leave you with a topical bit of celebrity humor...
Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a bottle of tequila?

A: Mel Gibson likes tequila!

¡Viva Futbol!

2006-06-15T15:44:00.000-05:00

The World Cup is happening, in case you haven't noticed. If you know me at all - and hopefully those of you who've read this blog once or twice have a vague understanding of me as a human being - you know I'm first and foremost a basketball fan, with baseball at 1A and football not far behind. It takes a bit of research to find out that the only sport I successfully engaged in after the age of 15 is soccer, but that fact might help you understand my feelings on this spectacular event.

In short, I think the World Cup is the best sporting event still in existence. I never got a look at that sweet Mayan sport where the losers were sacrificed to the Gods, so it's unfair for me to say it's the greatest sporting event in history, but I have to imagine it's close. The World Cup, as an institution, has more meaning and excitement to it than anything else I've ever seen in athletics. So I've been wondering... why isn't this country interested?

Frankly, I can't presume to answer that question for the country. There are myriad possibilities, for example: (a) Who wants to watch a sport we suck at? ... or ... (b) There's not nearly enough scoring in that kickball game ... or ... (c) I hate the way guys flop and act injured, what a bunch of sissies ... or ... (d) What fun is a game where 90% of the players can't touch the ball with their hands? For the record, these are stupid reasons because: (a) International competition is completely unpredictable, and how much we suck in general has little bearing on any specific game (see: 2002 World Cup, 2004 Olympic Basketball) ... (b) Who says a game has to be high-scoring to be fun? Before everybody started cheating baseball scores looked a lot like soccer scores and that was the "national pastime"; then there's the NFL, where scores have been arbitrarily assigned number values to make the scores look bigger - if touchdowns were worth 1 point and field goals a half point, would people stop watching? ... (c) Umm... have you watched a basketball game lately? People flop all the time and we live with it; the bottom line is, guys try to get every call they can and sometimes a little acting helps your cause ... (d) It's a matter of developed skills, and soccer is the only sport that comes to mind where players need to use their feet to handle the ball; if you're not intrigued and impressed by the degree of control that these guys can exert without hands, perhaps you should try trapping a 60 yard punt with your chest.

But, as I said, there's really no good answer to why people aren't watching. So in lieu of answering my own burning question, I'm going to tell you - yes YOU, stupid gringo - why you should be tuning in to soccer coverage over the next couple weeks...

The Sport

Soccer is a great sport. I'm not going to tell you it's the best sport, because I wouldn't necessarily agree with that assessment. Personally, I prefer basketball and baseball; but that doesn't change the fact that Soccer is one of the oldest sports in the world, is steeped in spectacular tradition, and is actually an intricately strategic game. Also, it is almost certainly the most popular sport in the world just by sheer number of fans and level of fanaticism. I've heard, on a number of occasions, the argument that "I shouldn't have to like soccer just because everybody else in the world likes it... what do you think I am, a lemming?" No, jerk-off. Nobody wants you to be a lemming. But did it occur to you that maybe - I know this sounds crazy, just bear with me - maybe all those billions of soccer fans the world over are on to something?

If you're a baseball fan, you've probably been forced to argue with someone, at some point, who said baseball was a stupid, boring game. I'd be willing to bet that during that argument you said, at least once, "well, if you'd only take the time to understand the game..." Because that's the truth - baseball can be slow, but an appreciation for how the game works and the history of the game makes it entertaining to those of us who know what to look for. Same thing with soccer: if you've watched some of this World Cup and found it boring, don't give up yet. Try to find somebody who knows the game and sit down with them (trust me, they're watching). Ask questions. If you watched the US game and found it boring... well, it was and they completely sucked, so don't be discouraged. It might take a couple matches, but this is a game that even the most American of us can learn to enjoy.

The Stories

In every way that has nothing to do with the actual athletic competition, the World Cup is everything that the Olympics should be at wishes it was. The Olympics are stupid. Nobody really cares much, outside of the folks who actually participate. The sports are obscure and largely irrelevant (considerably more obscure than soccer, in most cases) people are counting medals just to say we've got more hardware than Japan and Germany, and we're force-fed awful stories that often flop (see: Michelle Kwan, Bodie Miller, etc.)

The World Cup is a month-long international holiday. In virtually every country not called "United States" life has been put on hold until the Cup is won. And I don't mean every country that's in the competition - I mean practically every country in the world. Have you seen the commercial that points out Scotland failed to make the Cup, but assures us their fans will be there cheering anyway? That's not a joke; funny, but not a joke.

Have you heard about the Togolese team? Yes, people from Togo are Togolese. This is the former German colony's first World Cup ever, and they made it to the 32-team tournament despite a world ranking of 61. They drew first blood in their opener against South Korea, but couldn't hold on and ended up losing 2-1, much to the chagrin of the country's voodoo priest. You see, Togbui Assiogbo Gnagblondjro III had predicted that Togo would advance to the knockout round (round 2) and their loss in the opener makes that an even more daunting task. Before this Cup is over, Gnagblondjro may well wish he had never left his usual post - keeping an eye on 650 naked priests and priestesses in a Togolese forest and communicating with ancestral spirits.

How about Trinidad & Tobago? They're another first-time qualifier, and the smallest country in the cup. This is perhaps why they celebrated their draw with Sweden - which they earned despite playing a man down for much of the match - like it was a world championship. The "Soca Warriors" fared nearly as well in their second game, holding powerhouse England scoreless for nearly 83 minutes before faltering to a 2-0 defeat.

Stories like these don't fall off of trees, they're born of a passion we rarely see from American athletes or fans.

The Athletes

I expect you've heard this recently: soccer players are in better shape than almost any other athlete. They are essentially long distance runners, only they have to run sprints with alarming regularity throughout their marathon. These guys can run and run all day and night, and there's no timeouts or breaks. Soccer players need to be ready to break from their constant trot into an all-out sprint at any moment - from the opening kickoff to the end of stoppage time.

The stars of soccer are also great personalities. Even Americans know David Beckham - he's helped by his physical gifts (and I don't mean athletically) and his marriage to a pop star, but he's more of an international celebrity than almost any American athlete. Brazil's Ronaldinho is arguably the most exciting player in the history of the sport - just ask the Michael Jordan of Soccer: Pele says Ronaldinho is the best in the world right now and "better than Maradonna," long considered the second-best all-time to Pele. The young Brazilian is also a showman, pulling moves the likes of which haven't been seen for a long time and juking opponents left and right.

--------------------

I know, enough already. I've just spent more text on soccer than you ever wanted to read. You're not interested. I get it. I'll stop. Just so long as you know that you're wrong not to be watching the World Cup, and that myself and billions of foreigners will be a part of the greatest sporting event alive while you're biting your nails over the first half of the baseball season. Stupid gringo.

Seek, and Ye Shall Find - but why seek?

2006-06-01T11:39:00.000-05:00

It was less than a month ago - albeit not much less - that I sat in this same seat, supposedly doing administrative work for the American Liver Foundation (shhhh... don't tell) and wrote my last post. In the first paragraph, I chastised myself for not visiting with my K-bors nearly enough, suggested I'd appear more often moving forward [quote: "as I bring back the once-a-week post minimum (which I am trying to do)..."], apologized to my lady-readers for overdoing the sports thing and then proceeded to write about sports. Well, in the interest of saving space, consider that paragraph applicable to this post as well.

However, I once again encourage women everywhere (or the lone woman reading this, anyway) to bear with me, as I think the following will say as much about the world we live in as it does about sports in particular. Last time, my sports-based-yet-interesting-to-non-sports-fans piece was a brief foray into comedy - I drew your attention to a minor-league team that was calling out the Kansas City Royals (who are really just a minor-league team in major-league uniforms). Today I'm angry, not amused.

Two sports stories caught my eye today - two stories that really should not have had to be published. The first addresses a recently-completed report about Lance Armstrong's potential use of performance-enhancing drugs. For years, ever since his dominance of the sport of cycling began, angry, jealous, and usually French rivals of America's favorite (only?) famous bike-rider have questioned how it is physically possible for someone to go straight from the chemotherapy table to the top of their sport. Especially a guy from a country that couldn't care less about cycling.

The jealousy (and presumably the French-ness) of Lance's detractors led to countless backhanded steroids accusations over his 7-year run of dominance. None were thought to hold any water, until last year's report that Lance's 1999 samples tested positive for a banned substance (EPO) when they were brought out of a freezer in 2004. When the report came out, Lance vehemently denied it (as he has every one of the myriad accusations over the years) and once again pointed out that he has been tested with absurd frequency for 7 or 8 years and never had a positive test. The International Cycling Union hired some impartial Dutch lawyers to conduct an investigation.

Well, that investigation has ended, and it not only exonerated Lance, but also questioned the integrity and practices of both L'Equipe (the paper which first reported the allegations) and the World Anti-Doping Agency. My favorite exerpt says the tests were so questionable that "it was 'completely irresponsible' to suggest they 'constitute evidence of anything.'" Oops.

The second story was about Gilbert Arenas. On Wednesday (yesterday) I read a report that Arenas was arrested - nobody really knew exactly why - and tried to wiggle out of it by saying "You can't arrest me, I'm a basketball player. I play for the Washington Wizards..." Turns out the whole sports world read that report, and every outlet from ESPNRadio to Reuters was blasting the NBA's most underrated player for disorderly behavior, hubris and stupidity. I heard the statement "this is the problem with athletes today" more times than I'd care to remember.

Oops again. Apparently nobody got Arenas' side of the story; at least until Michael Wilbon decided to pursue that outmoded journalistic convention - due diligence. It turns out maybe some overzealous cops just made a mistake during what was a tremendously busy weekend on South Beach - and then they lied on the police report so they didn't look bad. If you've ever been arrested before (and I'm not in a position to confirm or deny whether that's ever happened to me) you probably know this: policeman will lie their curly-tailed asses off to avoid people realizing they've made a mistake.

Reading Wilbon's article, I'm as sure as he is that Arenas did very little - if anything - wrong. The cops arrested him because he was a tattooed black man who got out of his car in traffic; and the national media is so ready to crucify athletes for stupid behavior that thousands of news outlets published the story - including details of a likely-false police report that probably should not have been released in the first place - without so much as contacting Arenas for his account.

These stories depress me deeply. They're not the only examples of a sports world that prefers a pariah to a hero. Another that came to my mind was last year's unfounded steroid accusations against Todd Helton. I won't get into details, but basically an announcer said - during a broadcast, on the air - that he had inside knowledge of Helton using steroids; it turned out to be creatine, a completely legal supplement. Basically, people (particularly in this country) love to tear down sports stars - we want nothing more than to find out that these men who outperform us by such a ridiculous margin only do so because they cheat; or else that they may be famous and ultra-talented, but they're also big jerks.

I've got news - yeah, tons of these guys are jerks. You know what? Jerks are everywhere. I see them on a daily basis. As a semi-permanent temp employee, I've found at least 50% of the people I end up working for or with are jerks (not the people here at ALF, of course). I'm a fucking jerk. You're probably a jerk too. Athletes are the same; maybe slightly more likely to be jerks given the self-confidence required to be a successful professional.

Of course, the most successful people in other professions are more likely to be jerks as well. How many Fortune 500 CEO's did something sleazy to get to the top? Probably right around 500. For every Randy Moss (pot-smoking, pushing-cops-with-his-car football player) there's a Kenneth Lay (cheating, conspiring, embezzling Enron player). But Lay's mistakes don't inspire us go after Steve Jobs, so why the excitement over arresting Arenas? Simply because our athletes are celebrities, and our CEO's are not - at least, not until they get caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

My intent is not to blame the media for reporting on the transgressions of our role models. I just feel as though the climate surrounding sports is very negative these days. There are tons of positive and excitingthings happening - one of the best overall NBA postseasons ever is in progress, World Cup 2006 starts in 8 days - but people focus on the controversy surrounding Barry Bonds, or the arrest of Gilbert Arenas, whose team was eliminated from the NBA Playoffs weeks ago.

Hey, ESPNRadio - save the gossip news for People Magazine; or MSNBC.com (where my good friend Paige Ferrari does a terrific job of writing about celebrities and gossip.) Instead of searching for the stories about stupid, selfish athletes off the field, let's talk about the on-field exploits that lead their teams to ignore everything from drug problems (Darryl Strawberry, Ricky Williams, etc.) to legal troubles (Kobe Bryant, Randy Moss, etc.) to just general jerkiness (Karl Malone, Bill Romanowski, etc.)

Sports are supposed to be an escape from "real life" - so why can't we allow athletes some escape from the public eye for their "real lives"?

That's the fundamental question, and also the end of today's rant. I'm afraid I got a bit overzealous and am only now realizing the length of this post. If you managed to wade through the above, I welcome your thoughts on the subject. Otherwise, I fully intend to resume frequent posting in the immediate future.

Won't you be my K-bor?

The rest of the AL Central is really tough...

2006-05-09T11:17:00.000-05:00

Back in my days of frequent posting, I was criticized - largely by my female audience; and yes, there is at least one female who's read this blog before - for spending too much time on sports. Well, as I bring back the once-a-week post minimum (which I am trying to do) I feel it's only appropriate for me to get back to the occasional sports talk, and that's the direction I'm heading today.

But WAIT, Ladies... don't stop reading yet... I think this is a sporting tidbit that we can all get down with, if you know what I mean. Ever heard of the Kansas City Royals? If not, it's hard to blame you - hell, I've never heard of half their players and I'm supposed to be an expert. Last I heard, the Chicago media was referring to them as the "Single A Royals". Point being, they suck. Big time.

Apparently the stinkiness of the Royals emboldens even players in the Canadian American Association (that would be a small, independent minor league) because the Brockton Rox, of Brockton, Massachusets, are ready to go all-in against the Kansas City Major Leaguers. Despite playing only a 92-game season (70 less than a major league team that fails to make the playoffs) the upstart Rox - who have yet to play a game this season - are willing to bet that they'll out-win the Royals.

That's right, the Royals are so obviously pathetic that random minor league teams think they need 70 fewer games to reach the same win total. There's no reason for them not to believe that: they were damn close last year when the Royals won 56 and Brockton got to 50. I think it's a cute gimmick for Brockton, but let me be the first to say that I have a serious problem with this bet.

The Rox's president, Jim Lucas, laid out the terms of the potential wager as follows: if Brockton wins less games than KC, they will donate $500 to the YMCA of Greater Kansas City. If the Royals can't out-win the Rox (did I mention they play in the Canadian American Association? Has anyone even heard of that league?) then Lucas wants them to drop $5,000 in the pockets of Brockton's local Y, specifically for their Little League program.

Uhhh... Jim... What makes you think your squad should get odds? Much less 10-to-1 odds. Last year you were only 6 wins short... do you think the Royals are better this season? If so, why? They're on pace for about 43 wins. Let's say they pick it up a little bit and win 50 - can't the Rox improve from last season? All it should take is one or two extra wins. If you're gonna pile on the Royals like this, is it really necessary to take extra money from them?

I suppose it's to the Royals' credit that they haven't dignified this challenge with a response... but a cynical AL Central fan such as myself has to think it might be out of fear. Poor Royals. They just can't get any respect.

The Waiting Game

2006-05-04T12:14:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted here, and I apologize in advance for not posting again for a little while after this.

Unfortunately, my writing time has been largely consumed by my near-daily diatribes on my Bulls Blog, covering the end of the NBA season and the playoffs. It's been an exciting ride, and I'm enjoying it, but it doesn't leave much time for my friendly, loyal K-bors.

Since you've all been so patient with me, I decided I owed it to you all to stop in and update you on my status. Also, I want to drop this gem on you (thanks to my good friend Mr. D): Mexico legalizes freakin' everything! Finally, you're all invited to join me in Tijuana for a Legalization Celebration. Date and time pending.

In any case, you must believe that I'm truly sorry about my recent posting rate. I assure you I'll committ myself to more activity in the K-borhood as soon as the NBA season is over (maybe even as soon as the Bulls' season is over). In the interim, I highly recommend poppin in on from ashy to classy, your online home for arts & entertainment shenanigans. We're currently tying up the loose ends of a post co-written by all four contributors, addressing the ever-raging "Best TV Wife" debate.

Goodbye, for now, K-bors. Root for the Bulls, it will bring good karma.

I'm not sure what to make of this...

2006-03-31T10:56:00.000-06:00

... BUT I LOVE IT!!!

Perhaps, just perhaps, Walter E. Smithe actually bought the naming rights to Wrigley Field. Most likely not. When I first saw it, I completely believed. My first clue I might be getting duped was the supposed plan to add a permanent dome to the top of the Friendly Confines. When I read that "the Smithe brothers plan to use Walter E. Smithe Field 365 days a year," I was slightly more skeptical.

Unfortunately, the "Press Conference" videos pretty much give away the farm as far as reality is concerned. I'm not sure whether Wrigley and the Cubs are at all involved in this spectacular advertising campaign, but the Smithe ad team really hit a home run. I particularly enjoyed the "Wrigley Field Extreme Makeover" video, which sends a Walter E. Smithe interior decorating team in to improve Wrigley's look.

Looking back at the supposed press release, I probably should've picked up on the joke when I read that Wrigley will become a "true multi-purpose facility," featuring dog shows and rodeos. Still, this is a good laugh and a great idea on the part of Walter E. Smithe. At the end of the day, though, a funnier joke is the Cubs' Opening Day pitching rotation, as detailed by Jay Mariotti in the Chicago Sun Times.

The Bad Kid Keeps Rollin'

2006-03-26T11:12:00.000-06:00

My readership knows my feelings on the life and music of James "J Dilla" Yancey, and so you know I mean no disrespect whatsoever when I tell you that the late beatmaster's labelmate and friend Madlib continues to thrive in his absence. If you like good hip hop beats - and hopefully you can imagine what I mean by that - you need to buy Beat Konducta, Vols. 1-2.

Much like Dilla's album Donuts, the 35-track Konducta disc is a veritable smorgasbord of one-to-two minute beats, without any major vocal presence (samples excepted). Also like Donuts, it keeps you jumping top to bottom. The first half of the CD-release has been out on vinyl for a while, but the second half is brand bangin' new.

I've said it before: the formula is simple, it's all in the execution. And the digging. What makes a guy like Madlib so special is the process that goes into finding just the right samples for his brand of beats. While he's had the good fortune to be allowed - invited, actually - to remix the Blue Note catalog, most of his records are filled with sounds found deep in the Motown stacks. I'm sure Madlib would tell you himself - sometimes you gotta dig for days to find that perfect five-second cut.

For the uninitiated, Stones Throw wants you to hear their shit, and they're willing to give a little away for free. The second episode of their new podcast series is a twenty-plus-minute mixup (thanks to J Rocc of the Beat Junkies, who seems to be the resident remixer) of tracks from Madlib's new release. It's a fairly representative sample, a good preview of the Bad Kid's new disc, and it features a couple of nice cameos.

That's my musical contribution for the day. I'd also like to shout out the best NCAA tournament of all time (seriously, how many overtime games and buzzer-beaters can one set of 64 games have?). Finally, I'd like to shamelessly suggest that you - that's you, dear K-bor - go ahead and click on the link for my NBA blog and, whether you like the NBA or not, click on some of the ads you see there. I'd consider it a personal favor, and you'll essentially be keeping me fed in the mac-n-cheese/frozen taquitos style I've become accustomed to. (I told you it would be shameless.) If enough people click on my ads, maybe I'll even be able to afford one of those Krispy Kreme Burgers.

Back on Top

2006-03-22T18:22:00.000-06:00

Well, K-bors, it's been nearly two weeks since we last spoke, but I'm BACK... tell a friend. It's recently been brought to my attention that the City of Chicago has decided to re-assert its position at the pinnacle of the USA's architectural pantheon, thanks to the Fordham Company and Santiago Calatrava.

Calatrava's Fordham Spire - that would be the tremendously tall, shockingly shiny, corkscrew-looking beauty that's been digitally inserted into the photo of the Chicago skyline below - will be 124-stories (that's 2,000 ft, or 609.6 meters for all you Europeans) of residential delight. With any luck, I'll be freaking loaded by the time they finish it and I can live there.

I was pleasantly reminded by the news of this project's approval that Chicago is, in fact, the greatest city in the world. Now, I'm not sure why so many people have failed to realize this, but I think that failure is a big part of what makes Chicago so wonderful. You're sleepin' on us, USA.

It's no coincidence that three of the four tallest buildings in the country (the Sears Tower, the Aon Center and the John Hancock Center) live in my city. By the time the Fordham Spire is completed, that figure could be at seven of eight (as long as the slow-pokes building the Freedom Tower in NY continue their snail's pace). The Tall Tower, the Waterview Tower and the Trump International Hotel & Tower are already under construction. So if you thought your city was cool, just realize that when it comes to phalli, we OWN you.

... and you thought the Butter Burger sounded fattening!

2006-03-10T14:26:00.000-06:00

Not much time today, folks, but I had to drop this (donut) gem on you before I flee the country:

Meet the Krispy-Kreme-Bacon-Cheeseburger!

I apologize in advance for not posting over the course of the next week-and-a-half or so, but I'll be drinking free booze on the beaches of Mexico. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Regarding Barry...

2006-03-09T16:40:00.000-06:00

I feel like I need to say something on the Barry Bonds issue. Perhaps I'm overestimating my contribution to the blogsphere, but I try to hit the big sports issues whenever I can. So here's my general take...

As as you probably know, Game of Shadows - a book by SF Chronicle writers Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams - supposedly proves, once and for all, that Barry used steroids. I'm familiar with these writers, having read their piece on the BALCO investigation and heard them interviewed on San Francisco sports radio on multiple occasions. My opinion of them is low, to say the least, particularly regarding Fainaru-Wada, who is one of the most self-important jerk-offs I've ever heard speak.

He pretends to be a champion of truth, who is only interested in the story because he believes the public deserves to know what actually happened. That bullshit stance is belied by his self-promotion for the Pulitzer (an award he most certainly did NOT deserve). He claims that money is not a goal. Then why compile years of hearsay into a book and pretend it's fact?

Now, I have not read the book. I have looked at the excerpts (I laugh at the suggestion, in the excerpts, that gaining 15 pounds in muscle over an offseason is impossible without steroids) and I have read a lot of media coverage dealing with the book. To the best of my understanding, the following is a list of information contained in this book that could be considered "new," or "proof" of anything:

Yes, that was the list. As far as I can tell, there is nothing new. It's simply a history of accusations and unsubstantiated claims.

Now, I am no moron. Or at least, I am not the biggest moron on Earth. If you ask my opinion, I believe that Bonds probably used some sort of performance-enhancing drug, whether deliberately or not. And if he did, in fact, take these drugs unknowingly (as he maintains) I believe his lack of knowledge was a direct product of his lack of desire to know. However, I understand that this is simply my opinion. An informed opinion, but an opinion nonetheless.

Fainaru-Wada and Williams would have this opinion taken as fact, simply because enough people share it. They continue to cite "hundreds of sources," none of which are named. They continue to base much of their theory on the statements of an ex-mistress of Bonds who (a) went on Geraldo and said that she had never witnessed Barry doing steroids; and (b) has tried to extort money from Bonds in the past. They continue to attribute much of their knowledge to "sealed and unsealed documents" that nobody except them has ever seen. I'm sorry, but this is simply not proof of anything.

What angers me most about the situation is the preposterous double-standard that is in effect here. For years, everybody stood by as fan and media darlings gained ridiculous amounts of muscle mass and bombed homers like never before: Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Ken Caminiti, Rafael Palmeiro, the list goes on and on and on and on. If you believe Jose Canseco's book (and that's looking more and more like the closest thing to truth that has come out of the recent steroid hullabaloo) a ridiculous percentage of major leaguers were using throughout the 90's.

Then Barry - always an enemy of the media and standoffish towards fans - starts mashing, and suddenly the baseball world is up-in-arms over the "steroid problem." Well, I hate to support Bonds' paranoid ranting, but it sure seems like he's a target. THE target. Because as far as I'm concerned, McGwire and Sosa are the clearest steroid abusers around, and nobody is digging into their past.

Hardly anything was made of Sosa's sudden inability to speak English. People said they felt bad for poor McGwire when he broke down in front of congress. Why? And why go digging to prove Barry guilty when all these other guys get a free pass? The only star to test positive is Rafi Palmeiro, and even he is getting off easier than Bonds.

So that's what I think. This book does nothing to change my opinion on Bonds. Show me a positive test, or leave it alone. And, for the record, if Bud Selig decides to suspend Barry in response to the publication of this book, it is the biggest fraud perpetrated by anyone in baseball since the Black Sox Scandal.

Pete Rock is great, but Firefox is a bastard asshole.

2006-03-07T18:05:00.000-06:00

So I spent approximately 45 minutes writing a post about the Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth album Mecca and the Soul Brother. It's a great old school hip-hop album, and I had a lot to say about it, but Firefox crashed on me before I had saved it.

In any event, I have neither the time nor the cyberstamina to repeat my efforts, and frankly I'm in a miserable mood now. It doesn't help that Google makes a really sweet plug-in allowing you to post to blogger from Microsoft Word, because they only make it for PC users. Arg. Computers are stupid, stupid machines.

also, if nobody else will say it, I will.... RIP Kirby...

Meet Maya...

2006-03-03T15:20:00.000-06:00

I don't want you to get the idea that I'm starving for content, but I've decided to do a solid for my pal Maya and give her fledgling business some free pub...

I KNOW!! So cute you can hardly stomach it. Maya Liparini's Pet Portrait business - in addition to being the sole moneymaking venture of my friend and K-bor - is one of the simple pleasures in life. Whether you're in her target market (read: wealthy, quirky, or completely obsessed pet owner) or, like me, just an animal fan with an appreciation for her appropriate and understated silliness, you should check out her site (mayaliparini.com). Past the pet paintings, there are the assorted collected works of a really very talented artist, and an opportunity to dig deeper and truly understand the origins of Maya's unique vocation. When not embroiled in drinking contests with her cat, she actually does a great job of bringing the spirits of animals alive in their portraits. As a testament to this, and as today's farewell, I leave you with my personal favorite from the Liparini Pet Catalog....

R.I.P. Dilla

2006-03-01T12:41:00.000-06:00

Those of you who read these musings with any regularity will remember my Stones Throw Records posting from slightly over a month ago, and perhaps my particular affinity for producers Jay Dee (aka J Dilla) and Madlib.

At the time I wrote about Stones' Throw, I had no idea that Dilla was virtually on his death bed. Nobody did. According to the preponderance of press on the subject, Jay hid the extent of his illness from virtually everyone. Even now, many major media outlets are attributing his death simply to Lupus, when in fact it seems that his protracted health failure was considerably more complicated. The Detroit Free Press (easily the best newspaper moniker in this country) published a truly spectacular retrospective on the beatmaster that left this writer with tears in his eyes and a heavy heart.

I've had this post in mind for two weeks now. Not to overdramatize my personal involvement, but it's incredibly difficult to attempt to sum up or honor the life of a personal musical hero. Contrary to what you may be thinking, that is not an overstatement. Jay Dee is not only one of my favorite beatmakers (probably #1 on my Top Ten list) but also a revolutionary producer for hip-hop, in general.

As a producer for a variety of mainstream hip-hop groups throughout the '90s (A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, Pharcyde, etc.) Jay managed to push his raw, pounding brand of beats on the pop-hop crowd. Looking back, his tracks on Tribe's Beats, Rhymes and Life (one of the first hip-hop albums I purchased) are a big part of what changed me from casual observer of hip-hop to an interested fan.

Though Dilla has probably received more media coverage in death than he did over the course of his life (a sad testament to the state of hip-hop music today) perhaps more impressive is the response from the underground community. Looking for some underground hip-hop sites? Go ahead and type 'RIP Dilla' into your favorite search engine. After you browse through fifty pages of search results filled with various messages of love and tribute, you'll start coming to foreign-language hip-hop pages offering Jay Dee memorial pieces to the worldwide underground.

The web is also exploding with commemorative pieces of multimedia, from the brief Much Music tribute video to a slew of Dilla-based beat mixes like these two from hiphopmusic.com's DJ Emskee. Not to mention the overwhelming number of brief, heartfelt thank you's from artists he worked with (like this one from the myspace blog of Stones Throw MC Oh No, younger brother of Madlib.)

I'd like to think that the measure of an artist (especially a producer who works with so many different artists) is the response from his peers, and if this is the case, Jay is one of the greatest of all time. Not only was he a pioneer for what I take to be the truest and best brand of hip-hop (his hard-hitting break beats are always paired with soulful, well-thought-out samples), but he seems to have left a profound mark on every artist he ever worked with, and most every eardrum he pounded.

Listening to Donuts (the Dilla album released on his 32nd birthday, three days before he died) is a bittersweet experience. It's a 31-track album that runs a mere 44 minutes, with the longest track (Don't Cry) weighing in at 1:59. Much of the LP was pieced together from a hospital bed, and it truly sounds as though Jay - aware of his impending passing - was trying to record as many beats as possible. It's as though he had a cache of hot tracks in his brain, just waiting to be conjured into existence, and he used his last few months to quickly document the contents of the mind of a hip-hop genius.

As I write this, I'm jamming to J. Rocc's "Thank you Jay Dee" podcast, a very well-done hour-long tribute compiled largely from Dilla's own production work. In the coming months, we'll see several posthumous releases (solo and collaborative) and the next few years will probably feature countless remixes and mashups built on top of Jay's foundations. Other great producers will come along. But nobody - not Madlib, not Kanye, not your favorite producer today and not tomorrow's star beatmaker - will fill the void left by the departure of a true, revolutionary hip-hop genius.

for more general info on Jay Dee aka J Dilla check out this solid wikipedia entry about him, or his artist page at myspace. Here's his complete discography.

Rest In Peace, and enjoy the Big Record Store in the Sky...

Those Krazy Krauts!

2006-02-20T17:23:00.000-06:00

You know when you buy seven or eight ounces of weed, and then you get home and realize that the quality just isn't up to par? I've always wondered what a guy's options are in that sort of situation (and no, this is not another NFL post... I'm not talking about Ricky Williams or Nate Newton). I mean, of course the first thing to do is go back and talk to your dealer. But I've found - and perhaps this is just my personal experience, or lack thereof - that the drug trade is pretty much a caveat emptor situation. Still, there must be some recourse for a disgruntled pot purchaser.

Well, my new buddy from Darmstadt, Germany can tell you what not to do: ask the cops for help. Apparently when you throw a few zips on the table and tell the po' it's "un-usable," they don't brace the dealer for your five hundo in cash.

There's your laugh of the day. I promise to check in again soon.

Newsworthy

2006-02-14T18:18:00.000-06:00

There are two news items I want to address today:

1) VP Cheney takes population control into his own hands... Yes, it's always fun when a government official accidentally shoots somebody, especially when that somebody is an even older, more decrepit-looking man than Dick Cheney. I saw some really great late-night bits regarding the shooting, including Jimmy Kimmel blaming Cheney's inaccuracy for Michelle Kwan's injury and Jon Stewart noting that Dick is the first VP to shoot someone since Aaron Burr, but my favorite lines belonged to big shots Jay Leno ("When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney on the stretcher") and David Letterman ("The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor, and fortunately the buckshot was deflected by wads of laundered cash, so he's fine").

2) Bode Miller sucks at life... And I want to know why the hell we're talking about it. Tell me if you're interested in this story: professional skier (exactly, nobody cares) gets a huge head and talks all kinds of nonsense leading up to the Winter Olympics... "I ski drunk and I'm still the bomb"... "Barry Bonds is a cheater" ... "Blah blablah blah blah I'm a jackass"... Seriously, BRAH, shut up. Even more obnoxious than Bode Miller is NBC's decision to make him the major attraction of the Olympics - US Skiing's Golden Boy. Not only is he distinctly less-than-golden, but forcing me to hear "Bode Miller goes for the gold, TONIGHT!" over and over again after everyone with an internet connection knows he disqualified himself is just bad advertising.

Too much is being made of these Olympics in general. Go ahead and tell me I'm un-American, or that it's a beautiful tradition that brings the world together, but I don't think YOU really give a flying sex act about these "sports" either. I can't be the only one not impressed by people's ability to slide down an icy track in a giant, phenomenally aerodynamic phallus. Plus, the judging is tremendously suspect in far too many of the Winter events, and people are constantly accusing each other of various conspiracies. You like the Winter Olympics? Keep it.

Regarding the Super Bowl...

2006-02-07T15:28:00.000-06:00

1) If you're a Seahawks fan (or their head coach) and you're bitching about the referees from Sunday's game... SHUT THE HELL UP. For your benefit I've included a list of things you are well within your rights to complain about:

Jerramy Stevens' repeated dropped passes after pre-game shit talking
Mike Holmgren's blatant mismanagement of the clock at the end of both halves
Grant Wistrom's sellout dive on the Roethlisberger scramble/pass, because had he stayed on his feet he would have either forced Big Ben to run or absolutely creamed him.
Matt Hasselbeck's terrible interception
Holmgren's refusal to commit to Shaun Alexander
Whatever happened to allow Deshea Townsend to come unblocked and hammer Hasselbeck on a 3rd and 8 in the fourth quarter

Outside of these things, I don't want to hear it. The only call that was actually bad was the holding call on the Stevens reception, and I blame that on everyone being so surprised he held onto it that they didn't know what to do.

2) The better team won. That's right: better coach, better gameplan, better defense, better receivers. Call the QBs a draw and the RBs an obvious advantage to Seattle, but there's no question in my mind that Pitt deserved the win in every way.

3) If you think this was a crappy Super Bowl, perhaps you'd be interested in Arena League football, where the scores are always in the thirties and forties and above, and the referee's don't have to make as many tough calls.

4) Antawn Randle-El is going to make a great Chicago Bear.

5) Great Seas makes arguably the best wings in the Chicagoland area.

That's all I've got.

Unbait your breath, K-Bors...

2006-02-03T15:50:00.000-06:00

... it's the inaugural Pre-Super Bowl post. Having just hung up the ol' IM after a terribly unpleasant exchange with my former friend and roommate, I am filled with nervous energy and righteous fury - prepared to tell you how it's gonna be on Sunday. We've all had our full week-and-two-thirds to absorb all the hype, take all the various issues into consideration, and arrive at a reasonable conclusion. So, without further introduction, I present my final prediction for NFL '05-'06...

Super Bowl XL - Steelers vs. Seahawks: The paths these teams have taken to glory are different, but they remain strikingly similar. The Steelers, after all but writing themselves out of the playoffs with a midseason three-game losing streak, won their last four to sneak in as the second AFC Wild Card team. They then whomped a Cincinatti team that lost its QB early, shocked the HEAVILY favored (to the tune of "unbeatable") Indianapolis Colts despite late-game miscues and easily handled an apparently overrated Denver squad. They have ridden their multi-faceted, platoon running attack and an attacking, hard-hitting defense to the big game, but QB Roethlisberger has been better than anyone expected and ultimately made the difference by getting Pitt out to early leads throughout their now seven-game winning streak.

The Seahawks stumbled out of the gate, losing two of their first four games. They didn't lose again until backup QB Seneca Wallace started a completely meaningless Game 16 (an ugly loss to the Packers that featured very few Seattle starters). Still, nobody paid too much attention to them. A lot of people said that they weren't ready for a rolling Redskins team after the day off versus Green Bay and a bye week. Turns out they were ready; so ready that they lost the NFL MVP in the first half and still doubled their opponents' score. They then trampled a Carolina team that was hyped as a giant killer after embarassing my Bears' defense. Apparently Steve Smith can be stopped after all (though I am fairly certain somebody got to Delhomme before the game and paid him off not to even look for his star receiver). The Seahawks' staple, for most of the year, was NFL MVP Shaun Alexander. He broke a touchdown record and rushed for completely ridiculous yardage (he's now over 2,000 yards rushing if you include the playoffs). Yet Seattle has successfully diversified - a very underrated smashmouth defense features rookie star Lofa Tatupu, and Pro Bowl QB Matt Hasselbeck has stayed cool under pressure and been very good so far in the playoffs (QB Ratings of 100.6 and 118.0 against Washington and Carolina). Stopping Seattle is not as easy as stopping Shaun.

In the end, we should see a great battle. Great runners, greatly improving passers, and angry defenses make for spectacular football matchups. I'm torn: on one hand the Steelers have looked unbeatable to me, playing against most of the best teams in football; on the other hand, the Seattle games were hardly worth watching because they so badly beat teams that were considered very good. On one hand I see the Steelers' defense doing serious damage to Seattle, on the other hand the Seahawks' D
put a serious hurting on Steve Smith and the Panthers. Matt Hasselbeck had a Pro Bowl season and has stormed through the playoffs, but Ben Roethlisberger has completed over 68% of his postseason passes. Shaun Alexander is a beast, but Willie Parker and Jerome Bettis are a two-headed monster. Mike Holmgren won one Super Bowl and lost another, Bill Cowher was the youngest coach to lead his team to a SB when he lost to the Cowboys ten years ago.

I guess I'm saying it could go either way. If nothing else we will finally know the answer to the question (posed a number of times this season) of whether the last seed in the AFC can defeat the first seed in the NFC. The answer is..... YES! Score it Pittsburgh 27 - Seattle 24.

Thank You, San Francisco

2006-01-30T14:58:00.000-06:00

This is a momentous post, friends and K-bors. Yesterday I dropped the hanging folder labeled "San Francisco" into the "Past" drawer of the file cabinet that is my life. With sights set on the Middle West, the Fisher King and I let 'er loose for SoCal. I sit now in the spot where it all began: Mudd-Blaisdell Dormitory, Pomona College, Claremont, California. It's possible the funny-looking freshman boy whose pictures are everywhere will be a little upset when he comes home and finds me posting from his computer, but it's nice to return to my roots.

There are so many San Francisco people I leave behind that I'd like to thank. On the short list: Mr. Aaron Goldsmith, for being the best roommate that the occasional sexual favor can buy; Katie Morton, also a great roomie (tolerant of me) and considerably less easy than the aforementioned; Nancy Bombard, best aunt ever; Julian Bombard, my coolest cousin (and he's going on 11, ladies); Biffy, the friendliest Russian I know; A. Cassel, we wasted too much time, but it was still great (I'm wearing a New Trier East t-shirt right now); Team P.A. - 'Bone I'll see you soon, J not long after that; Anna Lindberg, the greatest Bones player of all time to never actually win a game (stay warm, friend); Tebbets, you missed most of the show, but I suppose rebuilding the Third World is a worthy cause; Mike, undoubtedly my best friend under 5'7"; Remi, the Frenchest of my San Friends, with whom I frequented the hip-hop show circuit; Volberding, I'm holding you personally responsible for my general lethargy, 'cause I didn't really exercised after you left (and I continue to argue that you should hop on up to Chicago from Indy); Lily, I didn't talk in a really high voice after you left, and I miss it :) LD Ward, you may say you hated it but we had some good times. If I forgot you.... well, the truth is I probably didn't forget you it's just that I don't like you that much.

Now, back to the issue at hand. My trusted companion and I retrace the steps of Raoul Duke and his unfortunately Samoan lawyer beginning tonight at sundown. From the bright lights of the City of Sin, we will cut through the overpoliced passes of Utah - a state that really ought to be given back to the Native Americans; put the damn Mormons on reservations. When we emerge from the dark night in that darkest of states, tattered and torn, we push on through to Denver before finally taking our next rest stop.

It's a hard life, that of the road traveller, but the King and I carry our burden with grace. We're veterans of the game - like Snoop and Dre, if you will. We enjoy the Festivities. We ride the Wave. We feel the Vibes. We are. Driving.

Better not live in a glass house...

2006-01-25T16:18:00.000-06:00

If you're looking for Super Bowl commentary, you've come to the wrong place, friends. The K-borhood is off football for the week. Frankly, the NFL's extra week of pre-SB media hype strikes me as presumptuous and obnoxious. Today we're talking beats and rhymes - I'm throwin' Stones.

Stones Throw Records, people. If you're a hip-hop fan, you need to get down with these dudes. Madlib. Jay Dee aka J Dilla. MF Doom The Villain. Peanut Butter Wolf. Wildchild. MED. These are names you need to know. Those of you who know the "underground" hip-hop scene recognize the first few names at least, but I'm telling you the whole roster is flamin'.

The best part: ridiculous collaborations. Jaylib - 'Dilla and Madlib; Madvillain - Madlib and MF Doom; Lootpack - Madlib, Wildchild, DJ Romes; the list goes on. I'd say if you're looking for some real hotness to start off with, Jaylib's Champion Sound and Madvillain's Madvillainy are where it's at. The beats on these albums are off the hook.

'Dilla and Madlib in particular are production wizards. They have that rare ability to maximize their sound while minimizing the components. These are simple beats. They are no-frills. There's not a bunch of beeping and crap that sounds like cell phone rings. Yes, Lil' John, I'm talking to you. You've got some quality samples - mostly from old jazz records - some sweet breaks and a hard-hitting rhythm. The rhymes are at best original and clever, and at worst a solid complement to the artistry of the backbeat.

My iPod is bumping strictly Stones Throw right now, K-bors. These dudes are blowing my socks off. I just wanted you to know that.

Championship Sunday

2006-01-22T12:51:00.000-06:00

You know what it is...

Game 1 - Steelers at Broncos: I suppose picking a winner gets tougher each round, because this one is a doozy. On one hand you've got Jake Plummer - he can definitely make plays to win it for you, but can he keep it under control and make sure he doesn't blow it? Then Big Ben Roethlisberger - no question he can manage a game for you, but can he make the big play to win it? Both teams run the ball very well, no matter which of their backs is in. Both teams have very solid defenses with dangerous, hard-hitting safeties. I'm a Jake guy, but Ben has been very impressive. If he can have a first half like he did last week, the Steelers may just win. If you can't tell, I still haven't made my pick..... thinking..... thinking.... 24-23 Steelers. Definitely take Pitt and the Points.

Game 2 - Panthers at Seahawks: Nobody has shown me anything to convince me that Steve Smith can be stopped. Unless the Seahawks manage to sack Jake Delhomme five or six times in the first half, the Panthers should take this one. And frankly, I don't really want to extoll the virtues of the team that just embarassed my Bears' defense. Mark it 34-20 Panthers.

Just make the pain go away...

2006-01-16T12:18:00.000-06:00

As I sat, draped in my 2005 World Series Champion White Sox throw, watching the final seconds tick of the Soldier Field clock, I was filled with a tremendous sense of disappointment and loss. Not only had I mailed in the most miserable day of NFL predictions ever (after instructing you to bet my picks), but my beloved Bears had fallen to the "unstoppable" Carolina Panthers. For my part, they're hardly unstoppable and the Bears' D played possibly its worst game of the year. As far as I can tell, matching our best corner against their best receiver might have been enough to do it. But to the victors go the spoils and the losers go home. In any event, I went to bed a sad, sad Kolsky.

This morning, though, things are gonna be different. Sure, I plan to sit around the house for a third day in a row. There is plenty of basketball to entertain. But I thought if I could find out where it's playing, I might go check out this awesome-looking new film:

I wish I could follow that up with a joke that would do it justice, but I think it's best that you all take some time and fully absorb it. Just a little something to brighten the day of all those Washington, New England, Indianapolis and Chicago football fans.

Dynasty Over

2006-01-14T22:32:00.000-06:00

Thank god. I was so sick of the stupid Patriots and their stupid undefeated-in-the-playoffs mojo. Stupid. I believe I'm now 5-1, which is pretty good even if I didn't nail all the scores. So maybe you should bet these picks:

Game 1 - Pittsburgh at Indianapolis: It's all about Big Ben. If he can hurt the Colts early and Pittsburgh can get a lead, they are the best clock wasters in the NFL. Bettis is remarkably effective when you know he's coming. Sadly, Indy plays pretty tough D these days, and it's damn near impossible to get much of an early lead against that offense. I think this is gonna be a spectacular game, and I'd like to pick Pittsburgh, but I'm just not sure they're good enough to beat an Indy team that should be ready. I see 13-0 Indy showing up for this one: 31-21 Colts.

Game 2 - Carolina at Chicago: The Main Event. Say what you will about Carolina being on a roll, they were on a roll when we held them to three points and scored 13. And I would remind my audience that Kyle Orton quarterbacked that victory. Rex Grossman may not have experience, but I think it's clear he improves the offense over Orton. Basically, I believe that Carolina is a good team, but I do not believe that they are nearly as good as the Bears. The only way Chicago loses is if they come out completely flat or beat themselves with turnovers. Our defense is nothing like the NY panzies that the Panthers trampled last week. Jake Delhomme better fill all his ice trays before the game, because he's gonna be sore all over. Call it 23-10 Bears.

OK, K-borhood. Enjoy a great day of playoff football.

P.S. If you haven't heard Big Hit Buda's We Da Bears, you need to get down with that shit immediately.

Seattle Saturday

2006-01-13T12:08:00.000-06:00

Sure, I said I'd try to keep the sports stuff at a reasonable level, but this is the playoffs, people. I'll do my best to keep commentary to a minimum. Saturday's games:

Redskins at Seahawks: Yes, the Redskins beat Seattle (in overtime) in Week 4. That means nothing. It would mean very little even if these were the same two teams, given the missed Seattle field goal which would have won the game in regulation. The Seahawks have the best offense in the NFC - obviously the best RB and arguably the best QB in the conference. Their defense is very strong. Washington has a great defense, which should slow Seattle a bit, but their offense simply stinks. With Clinton Portis hampered by a sore shoulder and Mark Brunell's mobility nullified by a knee, their best option is throwing screens and quick slants to the dangerous Santana Moss. This should get them a few yards and maybe a score, but they don't have enough to compete with the NFC's top team. Mark it 24-10 Seahawks.

Patriots at Broncos: After last week, I'd have to be either stupid or spectacularly stubborn to pick against the Patriots again. I am well aware of the mystique surrounding the Belichik-Brady combination. I am certainly familiar with the playoff history of this New England squad. And, admittedly, I'm still hurt by the way the franchise abused my boy Drew Bledsoe. All signs point to picking the Pats... so I'm putting everything on the Broncos. Jake Plummer has been my favorite QB in the league for a long time, and this year he finally earned my confidence in him. Great year, great team. He's shown the ability to make big plays without the tendency to make stupid ones. At the end of the day, the Broncos are simply a better team than the Patriots, and should win. I know you probably could say that about a decent percentage of New England playoff games the last few years, but I really think (read: hope and pray) that Jake puts Denver over the top. Gimme 26-24 Broncos.

Predictions of a Bears victory and an epic Indy-Pitt battle are forthcoming.

I Need More Cowbell!

2006-01-11T17:16:00.000-06:00

It's been brought to my attention recently that there are murmurs of unrest in my readership, due in large part to my own failings as a blogger. Specifically, as you can see above, I promised to make this blog about - and I quote - "Music, Sports and Life." I have neglected to even broach the first of my purported subjects (barring the occasional lyrical reference) and seem to have included very little about Life, either. Since I have a separate blog devoted entirely to the NBA, I really have no excuse for spending so much of my time and space here on sports.

The onus of this topical (see definition 2a) failure is not solely upon my shoulders, K-bors. Yet it is in my power to make the necessary changes. As such, this will be the first in a forthcoming "What's in Kolsky's iPod" series of posts. I will heretofore attempt to continue said series on an approximately biweekly basis. Without further ado, I present...

What's in Kolsky's iPod??
Last week I added (legally, I assure you) two albums to my iPod. The first: The Strokes' First Impressions of Earth. On my first listen, I must admit I was pleased as punch. I had been disappointed with the Strokes' second effort, feeling that it was essentially just a repeat of the first album: zero musical growth, very little experimentation; just generally no progress. It was this, I believe, that led me to overzealously embrace First Impressions as something great - it is not. And yet, the components that caused my initial (if brief) love affair with the disc are indeed there: this album, though still undeniably a product of the band that made Is This It and Room on Fire, is a bit of a musical departure from the familiar ground of the Strokes' freshman and sophomore efforts. I'd say First Impressions is probably a three-out-of-five star album (maybe 3.5) but it is worth a listen just to hear where the Strokes are taking (or attempting to take) their sound.

For those of you that prefer hip-hop, check out the second album: Little Brother's The Minstrel Show. Though it may be giving them too much credit, I'll call Little Brother the De La Soul of the new millennium. These guys are having a lot of fun, and it shows. Producer 9th Wonder gets flack for sounding raw and "homemade", but I dig the sound. The beats definitely have a Native Tongues feel, and the lyrics - while largely just battle raps and cute tricks of phrase - don't fail to entertain. The one thing that puts them a cut below De La is that they take themselves a bit too seriously - it's awesome to make albums that have great beats and clever rhymes, and by all means you should enjoy yourself, but when you purport to be manufacturing biting social satire it poops on the party just a bit. Though the skits and interludes take shots at UPN (inventing UBN - U Black Niggas network) and pop artists like R Kelly (meet Percy Miracles, the album's R&B "guest") none of the songs really commit to the "Minstrel Show" concept, or even deal with serious issues at all. Nevertheless, it's a very enjoyable listen. Mark it four-out-of-five stars.

That's all for now... Stay cool, K-borhood...

If I were a hammer...

2006-01-08T11:56:00.000-06:00

Sadly, I'm just a starving writer, and I rarely do any handiwork in the mornings. Instead, I wake up fifteen minutes Before Football to tell you what I think about the games. Yesterday I was one for two, though I think we all knew I picked a loser in Jacksonville. Admittedly it was worse than I would have ever imagined. Today we have two more games...

Game 1: Panthers at Giants - This one's about Eli. With the linebacking corps for New York completely in shambles, Carolina will score. They will. Now, the Giants are perfectly capable of competing with them if Eli has a good game. They can count on the venerable Tiki Barber, who seems to run for near or over 100 yards whenever the hell he wants to, and is one of toughest little fuckers in the league. The question is this: does Eli step up or does he break down. Specifically, if he can avoid turnovers and play smart, I think the G-Men would be able to take it. Unfortunately, Eli is still not quite there. Gimme the Panthers, 27-17.

Game 2: Steelers at Bengals - When Cincinnati was at its hottest this year, they took a tough game from a struggling Pittsburgh team (38-31 in Pitt). At this point, the Steelers are much better than they were in that Dec. 4 matchup; the Bengals - struggling. Plus, Pittsburgh keys their attack from a powerful running game that should tear up a weak rushing defense that allowed 115 yards a game this year. The Bengals D is made to force turnovers - they are aggressive, and their corners play for interceptions. Unfortunately for them, Roethlisberger does a very good job of limiting mistakes and probably won't hand them anything. In the end, I'd like to see Cincinnati pull it off, just for a change of pace, but it's just not much of a matchup. If they're going to compete they've got to be perfect in the passing game. I'll give them credit for a great year, but this is a game they'll be hard pressed to win. Show me Pittsburgh 27-24.

There you go, your playoff predictions. FYI, if this all goes as planned I'll be picking the Bears to re-hammer the Panthers in a week.

Are you ready for some FOOTBAAAAALLLL?!

2006-01-07T13:48:00.000-06:00

I am. I'm ready for this stupid weekend to be over so the Bears can put their award-winning coach and middle linebacker on display for the whole nation to see. But first, let me tell you how this weekend's games are gonna go down...

Game 1: Redskins at Buccaneers - If Tampa wants to win, they'll have to get to Brunell early and often. The Washington O-line is too big for Tampa's D, which is based largely on speed and quickness, and attacking the ball. If they don't disrupt the pass game early, they'll end up on their heels watching Clinton Portis run for about 175 yards. Last matchup went to Tampa, thanks to a big game from Chris Simms (279 yds, 3 TD) who led a 4th quarter drive for the win. Sadly for the Bucs, this is Simms' first playoff appearance, and he's facing a good Washington defense that will be looking for revenge. I look for Washington to jump out to a 10 or 14 point lead, with Tampa riding rookie Cadillac Williams back into the game in the second and third quarters. In the end, the experience of Mark Brunell versus Chris Simms will lead the 'Skins to victory. Call it 23-16 Washington.

Game 2: Jaguars at Patriots - Everybody is picking the Patriots in this game. That's sad, because with the exception of a fluke 24-21 loss to the Rams, the Jacksonvill has toughed out every victory they should have all season. Past the Rams, they lost two to Indy and one to a Denver team that completely shut down their running attack (high rusher: Fred Taylor with 14 yards). Usually, a 12-4 team that won 4 out of 5 games without their starting QB gets that QB back and is a home favorite over a 10-6 squad that lost some crappy games throughout the year. Of course, usually that 10-6 team isn't the defending champions and one of the hotter teams in football (you can ignore that last-game loss to Miami where Matt Cassell played QB). This particular sports enthusiast believes the Pats have been severely overhyped. With the exception of one very impressive 28-0 drubbing of the Bucs (in the snow, where Tampa's Twinkletoes tend to flop), the Pats haven't beaten a quality opponent since Week 5, when they edged the arguably decent Falcons 31-28. Before that, they sneaked out a 23-20 win at Pittsburgh. The Patriots' other seven wins are against crappy teams: the Jets twice, Buffalo twice, Oakland, New Orleans and Miami. Now, we can't blame them for being in a stinky division, but I'm not as high on the Champs as Bristol seems to be. If only because I am loathe to agree with all eight ESPN "football experts," I take the Jags here. If Leftwich is really healthy, I see him as a big-game QB who'll have a big game against an overrated, injury-depleted Patriots' squad. Call it 27-24 Jacksonville.

Okay folks, there's your betting guide. I'll be back to recount my success and tell you about tomorrow's games later...

It's a bird... It's a plane... Wait, it's actually a plane!

2006-01-06T15:32:00.000-06:00

Check out this story...
KCBS traffic plane lands in, well, traffic
... it made me do a radio double-take while listening to yesterday's evening traffic report. Not sure what's more disturbing: that the KCBS traffic report is issued from a plane that's older than me, or that this is the second plane to land on the 680 freeway in the last 10 months. Also, I have a new hero: his name is Rob Castro.

Vinsane in the Membrane

2006-01-05T15:47:00.000-06:00

Yes, I did predict a Texas victory - YES, I did that because I knew that Vince Young could not be stopped. But today I'm here to address a couple of ridiculous theories/ideas/suggestions that have been bandied about the airwaves and sports news stations:

1) Vince Young now will (or should) be the #1 pick in the NFL draft based on his performance last night. This is absurd. First of all, what did Vince show us last night that he hasn't shown us before? USC's defense was 40th nationally in yards-per-game against. Texas opponents ranked higher (with Vince's stat line against each): Texas Tech, ranked 26th (12/22 for 239 passing yds, 2 TD/2 INT; 7 rushes for 45 yds and 1 TD; QB Rating - 157.62); Kansas, ranked 19th (19/27, 281, 4/0; no rushing but 206.68 QB rating); Oklahoma, ranked 16th (14/27, 241, 3/0; 17 rushes for 45 yds, 0 TD; 163.50 rating); and Ohio State, ranked 4th (18/29, 270, 2/2; 20 rushes for 76 yds, 0 TD). Also, this was not his first 200-yd rushing game of the year - he rushed for 267 against OK State. He's been the most efficient passer in the NCAA all year. In other words, he did exactly what an educated observer would have expected against a mediocre USC defense. Did he have a spectacular game? Certainly, but he was the best player in football all year. The fact remains, Reggie Bush is the hype pick, and he'll be #1. All this post-~~coital~~ championship glow will fade by draft time. Plus, Vince still may decide to stay at Texas, where no player has ever left Mack Brown's program early, a very impressive statistic for a top D-I school in today's game.

2) Matt Leinart's (and many media cronies') preposterous assertion that USC was the better team and just didn't make the right plays. Wrong. They failed to make the plays because they weren't the better team. The better team had a #4 scoring defense to go with their #1 scoring offense; the better team trailed only one or two times all year; the better team had a (yes, I'll say it) better quarterback. Better teams make 4th down stops (and 4th down conversions, too) in the last 5 minutes. USC hasn't seen a better team for 3 years, so I'll forgive Leinart the confusion; but sportswriters who blame that loss on anything other than one Vince Young being better than 11 USC defenders should be fired. Did the refs blow a call or two? Maybe. But make no mistake - the better team won.

That's all I've got for today. Oh, and for my money, Vince should go back to school.

Purely for posterity...

2006-01-04T17:58:00.000-06:00

I want to mention that I am picking the Texas Longhorns to upset the USC Trojans in an epic Rose Bowl battle. Call it 41-35. Just so we're clear, I plan to erase this entry if the Spoiled Children win.

Color me resolute...

2006-01-04T10:12:00.000-06:00

The very idea of New Year's resolutions has always bothered me. At this point, American culture has romanticized the concept to such an extent that our whole stupid country makes and breaks their own set of resolutions on a strict yearly schedule. How have we come to this, America? It's one thing to find Aunt Edna taking tequila shots and chain-smoking in the kitchen some time in mid-July... quite another at 2 AM on January 1^st after she resolved to make this the Year of Healthy, Wholesome Aunthood.

The whole resolution tradition, as it has developed and currently exists in our culture, depends on an irresolute public. What's incredible to me is that we can be so strong-willed and decisive as a country - to our detriment, some might argue - and such utter failures on an individual basis. When the U.S. government makes a commitment to something (e.g. bringing freedom to the ~~infidels~~ insurgents in the Middle East, or bombing the bastard that quabbled with the president's father) they pursue that goal with a single-mindedness that has contributed to our country becoming the foremost international superpower. On the flipside, we as persons require a special occasion to make commitments to our own lives and goals, and then routinely fail to meet (or even really pursue) these trite life betterments. Sure, some people make inventive, important New Year's Resolutions, but the vast majority are stupid and formulaic.

This year, I'm falling into disfavor with myself thanks to an early-year move coupled with promises of more diligent career pursuits and cleaner, healthier living. Nevertheless, I am forced to admit that San Francisco Kolsky is played out - no longer the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed eager beaver who arrived in the Bay Area with designs on making it big in the sports world. A year and a half later there's nothing to show for it besides memories and a portable writing gig, which I'll pack up and tote back to the Windy City.

In truth, it is the Call of the Chi (rather than some ill-advised pledge to improve myself) that ultimately tipped the scales towards relocation; nevertheless, I am dangerously close to a calendar-inspired self-betterment campaign. To avoid the pitfalls of the average American Resolutionary (Resolutioner? Resolutionist?) I hereby make absolutely zero promises or guarantees (and certainly no resolutions) involving any of the following activities (which I may or may not currently participate in): smoking, alcohol consumption, caffeine consumption, food consumption, exercise, narcotics use, spending/borrowing money, learning, or helping others. Indeed, I commit to only one thing: neither my mouth nor my keyboard will write resolutions that my ass can't... (resolutionize? resolutionify?)... keep.

Now on to brass tacks: I ship out circa January 29, and hopefully hit the North Shore (via the southern route, methinks) on or before February 3 - just in time to take a nap before hopping back in the Saabster and high-tailing it to Detroit for the Super Bowl. I still need a copilot for both ventures. What I am offering you is a once-in-a-lifetime experience: a cross-country car-trip with a modern-day Dean Moriarty... a jocular jaunt from San Francisco to Chicago... a turbulent traversal of the Western United States. Seriously, I need a first mate - a Robin to my Batman, a Smee to my Cap'n Hook, a Ben Gordon to my Kirk Hinrich. My road trip references are myriad - if you have interest in being a part of this seminal event in my life, comment here or shoot me an email and we can talk specifics. That's all for now.

Merry Blogsmas

2005-12-25T10:43:00.000-06:00

Hey Everybody! Sliding in under the wire on my self-imposed blog requirements, mostly just to wish the goyim (that's you if you don't know what it means) a Merry Christmas and to quickly mention the momentous sporting events we all have to look forward to on this most Jesus-y of days. First on tap, the 12:30 ET Spurs-Pistons showdown which (in addition to being a 2005 NBA Finals rematch) should tell us who is the best team in the NBA right now! Don't change that channel when it's over, because at 3 ET we've got our annual Kobe-Shaq Christmas Extravaganza, hyper-hyped this year thanks to the subtext of Riles v. Phil. Finally, at 5 ET (and you can all thank Fox for making this a national broadcast) we all get to see the Bears - they of the healthy Rex Grossman - clinch the NFC North and a first round playoff bye. Enough then, you all have work to do. Enjoy your sport-filled holiday, and remember: don't drink and drive. Or at least don't drink while you drive. Or at least give the beers to the guy in the back seat before the cop gets up to your window. L'chaim.

You were always on my mind...

2005-12-19T13:40:00.000-06:00

Yes, my dear friends, K-bors and fellow bloggers, I once again neglected you for the better part of a week. I'm really trying to get a handle on this blog thing, so as to keep you updated on things more regularly, but I have to be honest with you: the holidays are really throwing a monkey wrench into the whole situation. As Christma-Hannu-Kwanza-kah draws ever nearer, I think everybody begins to panic a bit. Nevertheless, I suppose it's fair of you to ask why it's so tough on a guy who doesn't buy presents for anyone and takes the entire week from Xmas to NYE off from work. I can't be certain, but it seems to be intense feelings of loneliness - expounded by the fear of dying horribly alone - that do it for me. Whatever the cause may be, know that the holidays can be a busy and stress-filled time for unemployed vagrants, too. Yet, despite crying myself to sleep with thoughts of sales jobs and ugly prostitutes, I managed to stop by the K-borhood to wish you a "Happy Holidays," since the US Government now requires me to do so.

I also figured, since I was already in the 'hood, that I'd do a teensy little bit of self-promotion. I am recently employed (in the sense that I have assignments, not in the sense that I earn money) by a website called Sports Business Simulations. You can find my work (and a picture of me holding a toucan) in the "SBS - Taking Pulse" section. These writings (mentioned previously in the K-borhood) are a significant part of what has been keeping me from you guys...

... but enough excuses already! What kind of person lets his blog sit idle for a week and returns with nothing but platitudinous apologies and excremental excuses? Not me, friends. And that is why I leave you with this pledge: so long as you continue to read and comment, I will continue to post; and though I might need a little leeway until the holidays are officially over, I hereby promise to post at a rate of NO LESS than once every 6 days. And now, dear K-bors, I bid you adieu, with Happy Holiday tidings. It is my sincere hope that we shall speak again before December ends, but should we not, I invite you to join me in boldly going where no man has gone before: 2006.

If I made you feel second best...

2005-12-12T10:37:00.000-06:00

Friends and K-bors, I would like to take the time to apologize for my recent behavior. I have been neglecting you, as a group, for a week now. Alas, I have no good excuse for my truancy. I'd like to say I've been terribly busy with work, but that would be a blatant lie. I might as well be like Stan Van Gundy, and tell you I really need to spend time with my family. In truth, I have been setting my affairs in order in an attempt to organize my life before beginning a three-week period of insanity. I drive from San Francisco to Chicago, then fly back to San Fran, then back to Chicago the following weekend, then back to San Francisco the week after that, all the while making important decisions about the Kolsky Road Show's next launching site. Meanwhile, I'll be writing NBA articles for a sports website. More on that later.
For now, though, I need your help, K-bors. And not with my life decisions, though I certainly need help there. I am about to embark on a three day, thirty some-odd hour road trip, and I've been feeling confined by my music lately. If I let the red-headed-she-devil-captain of the vessel control the music, I would very probably find myself as the ball in a vicious game of Pong played by The Killers and Method Man. As such, I'm hoping my readership will be able to save me from certain insanity by coming together and participating in a collective brainstorm. If we all put some ideas for good driving music in the comment section here, we can have a rubric for road trip programming on this blog in perpetuity, and no K-borhood reader will ever again suffer for lack of music to drive by.
Blastoff is in T-minus 55 hours, circa 5 PM PST, Wednesday, Dec. 14. I trust we will complete our mission before this deadline. Suggest away!

It was the BOMB, dawg...

2005-12-05T18:20:00.000-06:00

It was the morning of Sunday, December 4, 2005. I was in my car, lamenting my inability to enjoy my usual God's day festivities. Put another way, I was stone cold sober and NOT watching the Bears' game; but this was a special Sunday, folks (and not just because it was Bears-Packers week). I was making my way across the San Francisco Bay Bridge to Berkeley, where I would share pizza and cake with a cadre of ten-year-olds (led by my just-turned-ten cousin), before chauffeuring them to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (a movie experience I would not be partaking in, having seen it at midnight on opening night). I won't lie to you, K-bors, I was pumped, and I had skipped my usual eggs-and-bacon sports bar breakfast in favor of delectable delights to come. Imagine my dismay when, at around 11:25 AM, all traffic on the lower (or easterly) deck of the bridge froze.
After five minutes of sitting in the same place (literally the same exact place), my dismay turned to curiousity and my fellow drivers began to turn off their engines. At ten minutes, people started walking around. By the time fifteen minutes had passed, I was comiserating with some jerk in a Cubs hat about missing the Bears' game, while leaning over the edge of the Bay Bridge, looking at the view of SF. Other highlights: 18:23 - overly tan guy in truck sitting next to my car opens his doors and starts blasting the Grateful Dead; 19:55 - group of three kids walks a golden retriever east on the bridge; 20:47 - overly tan guy breaks out his bongos and starts jammin' along with The Dead; 22:33 - middle-aged couple begins to dance to bongo guy's rythmic stylings; 24:07 - same three kids walk dog back in the other direction; 28:01 - toddler plays leapfrog with lane markers. It was about minute 30 (though I stopped counting at 28:47) when everybody mysteriously got back into their cars - myself included, though I can't put my finger on why - and resumed a speed of 40-50 MPH within a matter of seconds.
As I sped north towards Berkeley, hoping against hope that the Liliputians hadn't finished all the pizza without me, I wondered what the source of the holdup could have been... Perhaps an accident? Didn't see evidence of one... Some sort of construction issue? But how could that hold up traffic for so DAMN long? It turns out, as I should have known, that I was the victim of the day's second "suspicious suitcase" bridge stoppage. Thank goodness for me and the hundreds of men, women and children moseying about the bridge, it was filled with a relatively low-blast-radius explosive. Plus, I finally know CHP bomb squad procedures: a 7 AM call reporting the suitcase leads to a ten-minute bridge stoppage at 9 AM, followed by a couple hours of regular traffic, and THEN a 30-minute closure from around 11:30 to noon. I know it wasn't a bomb after all, but I sure feel safe knowing that the Bay Area is more than capable of dealing with this kind of problem.

Bear down, Chicago Bears, la da da-da da da-da...

2005-12-04T11:20:00.001-06:00

Today we renew the oldest of all pro football rivalries: Bears v. Packers. There's not much for me to tell you here that you don't already know. Given the records (Bears 8-3 to Packers 2-9), the defensive dominance of the Bears, and the ineptitude of the largely no-name Packers' offense, we could very well be looking at a slaughter today. On the other hand, Brett Favre is 11-1 all time at Soldier Field, so you can pretty much toss out all the other statistics. Still, the Packers are too beat-up and light on talent to stop this Bear-gernaut: Bears 20, Pack 7. Mark it 8 (in a row), dude.

I never picked the wrong champion. Period.

2005-12-02T19:16:00.000-06:00

Continuing a now well-established tradition of attacking sports' most dangerous problems (see steroids, TO), today congress announced plans to "look into" the "deeply flawed" BCS system. Well it's about damn time! Say what you will about baseball's history of drug abuse, at least they know how to decide who wins properly. The question is, what was our nation's legislative body doing when USC needed them in late 2003? Was the war so much more time consuming a year ago when Utah and Auburn could've used a congressional hearing?? I'm just glad that Joe Barton (Rep. - Texas), the chairman of the investigating subcommittee, knows what's important in college athletics: "Too often college football ends in sniping and controversy, rather than winners and losers."

...and in politics:

2005-12-02T13:45:00.000-06:00

As opined by the Jew:
dealey77: SF politics is stuck on the 1960s youth culture, bohemian, ultra liberal, convinced it can save the world... however, the world moved on 25 years ago and thats why san francisco flails about like a retard, cut off from the rest of the world's political thinking... no other city in america, and very few in the world, take care of people in the same way... this city's establishment is obsessed with helping the downtrodden
... and overall I think he's right, with the possible exception of his use of the word "retard". I ask you, my K-bors and friends: Is this a good thing? Posed another way, as seen on SF Politics message boards: Is SF ahead of the curve or stuck in the stone age?

Let me explain...

2005-12-02T10:12:00.000-06:00

While I appreciate the rousing email response to my blogenesis, it's really counterproductive. The whole point of a blog, as I understand it, is to propose and discuss issues in a public forum. In other words, don't send me an email, POST A COMMENT! In the spirit of sharing, I'm bringing my blog to YOU, sports fan, with an Objectively Chosen NFL Game of the Week: a contest all of us can enjoy while the Bears whip the snot out of the Packers on the other TV in your local sports bar. This week, a battle for NFC South supremacy, a fight betwixt the black cats and the birds of prey, Jake Delhomme vs. Michael Vick, DeShaun Foster and Stephen Davis vs. Warrick Dunn and TJ Duckett, Steve Smith vs... who plays receiver for the Falcons? (Alge Crumpler, I suppose) This game is a close one, with the Vegas line currently favoring the Panthers by 3, but I'll take the birds, baby. Like the Bears, the Falcons speedy pass rush will put Delhomme on his ass early, and disrupt the flow of the Panthers' offense (not that Steve Smith won't still go the distance at some point). On the other side of the ball, Vick baffles the opposing defense every week, and the Bears showed us that the Panthers can be run on, so look for Dunn to do damage. Don't bet the under (43) on this one, folks, cause we're gonna see some TDs. My prediction for this week's OCNGotW: 27-23 Falcons over Panthers. Discuss.

I am Spartacus

2005-12-01T16:28:00.000-06:00

As you might have guessed, Thursday is movie day. Not sure why you would've guessed that, but I suppose anything is possible. On tap for today: a Spartacus marathon. A marathon by virtue of the fact that Spartacus is so long. This is a Spartacus festival of sorts, celebrating the theme with pizza and other similarly Roman festivities, presided over by the Fisher King, elevated to the position of Emperor for the day. I've lost you by now, so I'll move on. A note about Spartacus: he's just led a slave rebellion of sorts, and now a band of malnourished gladiator trainees are ravishing the countryside and bathing in the gold of their oppressors. Awesome. I was further excited to find that the removal of Laurence Olivier's brilliant and sensual seduction of Tony Curtis - perhaps the most Roman event in the film - has been reversed in perpetuity by Hollywood liberals. This unfortunate censorship was championed by the wayward Legion of Decency, an evil holdover from the first half of the 20th century. Also restored was a simply wonderful scene where (thanks to a one-armed man) we got to see Spartacus sever an arm. Bottom Line: this movie kicks Gladiator's ass.

A topic...

2005-11-30T17:51:00.000-06:00

With Wednesday's re-signing of Paul Konerko, the return of their top notch starting rotation and the recent trade for Jim Thome, the Chicago White Sox are a lock for the 2006 World Series. Discuss.

Finally on the Blog-wagon

2005-11-30T16:21:00.000-06:00

SO. Kolsky here. Some of you know me. Others know of me. Most, however, know very little about anything, much less the life and times of a largely unemployed vagrant. This blog is, at present, a clean creative slate - a blank canvas, waiting to be micturated upon by the bulbous bladder that is the collective consciousness of the generation lovingly referred to as the Echo Boomers. I've been told I need to choose a subject. I disagree. I've also been told I could write about sperm whales and still attract interest. Have we become so blog-centric already? As it happens, the same poor soul told me both of those things, so I'm more inclined to worry about his mental health than I am to give much credence to either suggestion. As for a subject, I'd like to keep things in flux (not to be confused with fluxus). Why pigeon-hole ourselves with trivialities like 'subject' or 'meaning' (meaning being a subject already addressed at length by many great thinkers: here, here and here) when we could be flying on the wings of inspiration, picking and choosing topics as we please? Right? Are you with me, Gen Y? Good. That said, I suspect your return trips to the K-borhood will find you mired in sports opinions and music reviews, with the occasional injection of socio-political commentary. You say that's a subject? Sue me. You may also run into a tale or two of depraved indulgence - dread accounts of nights on the town/city/village/metropolis/3-bedroom apartment. None of them are true (seriously, Mom). What am I telling you, here? Nothing, ultimately. I want you to tell ME something, friend. Before I fill these pages with pablum concerning the 2005 World Champion Chicago White Sox and 2006 Super Bowl Champion Chicago Bears (there, I said it, and not for the first time), jump on in with a comment and tell me what we ought to be discussing. Frankly, I'm more interested in what you have to say than I am in what I have to say; but what really gets me is what I have to say about what you have to say about me not saying anything. So, without further ado, I present... The K-borhood!